thanks to mother of three Chantal below for sharing her thoughts on the importance of spending time together these days, even in front of a screen.
As a couple, we used to go the gym on Saturday mornings as well as idly maneuver machines before we rolled into brunch or a movie matinee. We’d wander grocery store aisles in tandem, pondering what we might collectively cook for dinner. We once zip-lined in Costa Rica as well as wine-tasted at a Chilean vineyard.
And, we used to watch television with such commitment that critics feared for their jobs. top chef as well as project runway dominated our reality show viewing, 30 rock filled the comedy slot, as well as favorite dramas ranged from The wire to Friday night Lights. during our lost addiction, we’d sneakily agree to three episodes on a school night as well as go to bed far too late pondering the fate of Kate as well as Jack.
Our marriage never felt stronger.
Now, we’ve got three kids. The closest we come to visiting a gym is jumping on our basement spin bike for a (guaranteed interrupted) 30-minute session. cooking now requires assembly-line-like-precision to ensure dinner is plated before hunger-induced tantrums take hold.
I knew that having children, especially three of them, would change things. I anticipated a moratorium on dreams of seeing the Acropolis up close. I traded some of my dreams in for an indescribable (and at times irrational) joy I get from being a mom. But, I held tightly to an unexpressed commitment: our television viewing habits wouldn’t change.
We’d still tune in to Francis as well as Claire’s struggle for power since our cost-free ritual (no babysitter or visa required) happened after our kids went to bed. Kolay. We could retain a piece of our former selves as we over-analyzed the characters we consumed as well as sought to understand.
But, as each new child entered our world, things did change. We began delineating which shows belonged to me, my husband, or both of us so we could efficiently keep our TV consumption at a competitive level. On nights where he worked or played basketball, I entered the worlds of Parenthood as well as The good Wife. When I worked or grabbed drinks with friends, he embraced The league as well as Daredevil.
Game of Thrones as well as Narcos: reserved for us both.
The nights of shared TV show watching decreased in regularity over the years without much thought, similar to the way unloading our dishwasher twice daily became normal without notice.
With one kid we watched a shared show 3-4 times a week. once our third infant arrived, a once-weekly viewing ritual felt like a mystical phenomenon.
We gradually faded into a new normal: I doubled down on This is us as well as he on Jessica Jones. But, some unrest simmered underneath the surface.
On a recent Tuesday night after we tucked our kids into bed, finished dishes, made lunches, cleaned up stray LEGOS, attached shipping labels to three Amazon returns, located that missing library book, inventoried the fridge for tomorrow’s dinner, polished off that well-deserved second glass of wine, as well as signed the field trip form – we sat on our living room couch at 10:09pm as well as I suggested, given our inability to summon any type of mental reserves for meaningful conversation, we start Episode 1, season 2 of Narcos.
My husband had the look of a defeated as well as beleaguered war veteran as he mumbled something under his breath. I pressed him to speak up, as well as heard a half-hearted, “I might just read as well as go to bed.”
I took a deep breath as well as found myself accessing some hidden, fairly unpleasant emotion. Then, I proceeded to lose my shit in a verbal tirade.
“We are a couple who watches television together,” I insisted. “We watch large quantities of high quality television together. We watch in silence, with lights dimmed. We don’t check email or shop online so we can be fucking present with each other. This ritual is the last goddamn vestige of any type of weekday impracticality we indulge in together as well as we thoroughly enjoy it. That’s who we are. If you want to read, go as well as read. but if you do, know it’s a strong indicator that our marriage is faltering; it’s a friggin’ canary in the coal mine. first we stop watching TV together, then we stop talking to each other, as well as then we ended up being strangers inhabiting the same house wondering why we ever liked having brunch together in the first place.”
My husband went quickly from defeated war veteran to terror-ridden hostage victim in the span of my 43-second monologue.
Cautious as well as confused, he reached for the remote as well as logged onto Netflix.
It takes neither an experienced therapist nor Brene brown to tell me that “it wasn’t about TV.”
What TV symbolizes in our household is the easiest thing to do together that we enjoy. It requires no physical stamina, logistical negotiations, nor abundant savingSes Hesabı. Evimizde TV, daha az planlanmış ve daha az pratik bir geçmişin anılarını kışkırtıyor ve bu da bizi 56 dakikalık bir aralık için yeniden ilişkilendiriyor. En önemlisi, varlığımızın günlük sorumlulukları arasında, birbirinize “sizinle olmak” demenin en zahmetsiz yoludur.
Birçoğumuz, bir süre için, Adonis benzeri bir fiziğin veya futbol kenar çizgisi konuşması ve yerel kütüphane ziyaretleri lehine bir yürümeye başlayan çocuğa sahip bir Tayland trekinden vazgeçiyoruz. Bunun için iyi bir gerekçe var; 18 aylık bir 14 saatlik uçuş, ilgili herkes için terörize ediyor. Ama birçoğumuz da aynı şekilde bir tane daha iletişim kurmanın ince, kolay, basit yollarından vazgeçiyor gibi görünüyor: sizinle olmak önemlidir. Ve bu şeyleri zamanla tutarlı bir şekilde bıraktığımızda, sanki birbirimize yavaşça vazgeçiyormuşuz gibi geliyor. Birbirimizden vazgeçtiğimiz gibi, yaşam birlikte yalnız ve çok daha az güzel hale gelir.
Evimizde TV’nin sembolize ettiği şey, hoşlandığımız en kolay şeydir
Evdeki küçük çocuklarla olan tüm çiftlere olan dürtü, Dramalar gibi zorlayıcı olan Fargo’nun yanı sıra Batı Dünyasını da izlemek değil. Benim dürtü, ortakların partnerinizin yanı sıra ilişkinizin yanı sıra geçmiş meselenizi ne kadar basit, tanıdık çabaların belirlemesidir. Ardından, sevdiklerinizden duygusal mesafeyi veya duygusal bir tirade önlemek için, uzaktan kumanda versiyonunuzu alın ve yorgunluk veya dikkat dağınıklığına rağmen, Salı gecesi Dimmed Light’daki bölümü izleyin.
